Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Hi, everyone. Let's talk about sex. I'm Dr. Laura Prescott, Director of clinical training and associate professor for the clinical PsyD program at the Chicago School of Professional Psychology, Los Angeles.
[00:00:14] Have you ever made a grand gesture to your partner and felt like it wasn't really received well? Like maybe you went out and bought flowers for your loved one and they just weren't really caring that much.
[00:00:27] Or let's say that you decided to reach out and cuddle them and weren't having any of it.
[00:00:33] That hurts, huh?
[00:00:35] It's almost like you're speaking a different language.
[00:00:38] Well, maybe you are.
[00:00:40] Love languages, that is.
[00:00:43] Dr. Gary Chapman is the pioneer of the five love languages. Some of you may have heard of them, and he wrote a series of books on them and actually has a website as well.
[00:00:54] And the basic idea behind them is that there's five different love languages that we all use to communicate with each other about how we like to give and receive love.
[00:01:05] And everybody has different preferences for their love languages, and some prefer some over others.
[00:01:10] And so let's talk a little bit about what these love languages are.
[00:01:15] The first love language is quality time.
[00:01:18] Quality time is really something that involves your undivided attention.
[00:01:24] This is not really something that's best done if you're sitting and watching TV together or sitting in the same room, but both on your phone. This is being mindful of each other, spending time together together and really focusing on one another.
[00:01:38] This could be either just chatting at home on the couch, or it could be playing a game together. It could be going out somewhere. It doesn't have to be an expensive outing, but whatever you like to do that helps you bond with the other person, spending time with them.
[00:01:55] The second love language is physical touch. Physical touch is for all those cuddlers out there, people who like to hug, everything up and up to and including sex.
[00:02:06] And physical touch is really nice for those who just like that physical reassurance.
[00:02:13] Sometimes even just holding hands and walking together can be a nice way to have physical touch. It doesn't have to always be a sexual touch. It could be even just a reassuring pat from your partner.
[00:02:25] The third love language is words of affirmation.
[00:02:28] These are the words of validation, the compliments, the words of praise.
[00:02:33] These are the things that help your partner feel appreciated when they hear them, for instance, saying thank you for doing something, or just saying I love you, or a compliment, hey, you really look good in that dress today. Those are all examples of words of affirmation.
[00:02:49] The fourth love language is acts of service.
[00:02:52] This is for the people who like deeds more than words.
[00:02:56] Things like taking out the trash for your partner, when normally that might be their job, but you're like, no, I'll do it for you today just to make your life a little easier.
[00:03:08] Or it could be something like your partner is sick and you go out and you get ingredients to make chicken soup and you make that and give it to your partner. These are all examples of acts of service.
[00:03:23] Last but not least, we have receiving gifts.
[00:03:26] Now, gifts don't have to be expensive. You don't have to run out and buy a Rolex or anything. These can even be simple things like picking a flower and giving it to your partner. Or even just something small.
[00:03:40] I joke to think about cats killing rats or bugs or things and placing at their owner's feet. It could be whatever you think a gift is and whatever you think you like to receive. That can count.
[00:03:54] If you and your partner have different love languages, it's important to figure out what they are and to talk to each other about them so that you can understand how you want to give and receive. Receive love.
[00:04:07] And you can also have more than one. So it's not like you have to have just one. And you can have them kind of in a certain order if you wish. There is a way to find out what your love languages are.
[00:04:17] You can go to Dr. Chapman's website about the five love languages and you can actually take an assessment. There they have an assessment tool where you can figure out what your love languages are.
[00:04:29] Hopefully by communicating with your partner, you can figure out what they like and what you like. And it helps to let them know. For instance, if they do something that you really like, you'd say, hey, I really love it when you do such and such.
[00:04:41] And that way they'll know, oh, okay, I should probably do more of that. They'll like that.
[00:04:46] Hopefully these tips will help you to communicate better with your partner and help you understand your love languages.
[00:04:54] Once Again, I am Dr. Laura Prescott for the Clinical PsyD department at the Chicago School of Professional Psychology, Los Angeles. Thanks for tuning in.
