Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Hi, everyone. Let's talk about sex.
[00:00:02] I'm Dr. Laura Prescott, associate professor for the clinical PsyD department at the Chicago School of Los Angeles, and I'm here to talk to you today about those of you who feel like you're in a marriage or other long term committed relationship and your sex life is stuck in a rut. Maybe you feel like things have gotten a little routine or even, dare I say, boring, and you're looking for some ways to spice up that relationship.
[00:00:28] Well, I'm here today with three tips for you to help you do just that. So the first one is continue to court one another, just like a peacock will fluff out its plumage, or a baboon might stick its butt at another baboon. Humans have mating rituals that they do and they try to attract one another. And when you're first dating, those kinds of things are easier to do. You think about them more. You're like, I've got to get this mate. Let me do whatever I can do. But once you have your mate, sometimes those things fall by the wayside.
[00:00:56] So one easy thing that you can do is to schedule weekly date nights.
[00:01:02] So pencil them in your calendar just like you would a work meeting or a haircut appointment. Of course, it'd be much more exciting than those things, but schedule it and do it. Stick to it. It could be every Saturday night, for example, and the date night can be something fancy. It could be going out and spending money, but it doesn't have to be. You can do things from your own home, maybe playing a video game together or doing something else that's meaningful to you. So also remember some of those spontaneous things that you used to do, probably when you were first dating.
[00:01:34] So, for example, bringing them flowers, surprising them with flowers, or maybe putting on some nice lingerie and surprising them at home with lingerie. Those things are spontaneous. Even stuff like sending flirty text messages throughout the day or saying, you know, I can't wait to do insert X thing when I get home. And just really building up that sexual tension and that excitement throughout the day can really help a lot. So the second thing, and this is another important thing that a lot of people forget, is enhanced communication. You really want to communicate with each other, both verbally and non verbally. So verbally, one of the things you want to do is talk about your fantasies. I know that sometimes this can be hard for people to do because they're a little shy about it or they're afraid that their partner may reject their fantasy and think of it not as A here's me being judgmental kind of a session, but more of a let's brainstorm together. Let's think of some things. You know, this was really cool when we did this before. Why don't we try more of that? Or gosh, you know what would be really interesting? Let's do this. And brainstorming with each other. Having the no judgment. Okay, you know, that would be really cool. Or if your partner doesn't want to do it and they just say, you know, I can understand why you might like that, but that may not make me really the most excited in the world. And okay, let's try something else. So just bounce ideas off each other. Also, with communication, you really want to praise them for the things they're doing that you like. You don't want to say, you know, honey, I'm feeling kind of bored. Our sex life, you want to say, you know, here's some things that I miss that we used to do. That's really fun. Let's try those again. Or oh, you know what would be really neat to try? Let's do this. And when they do things, even if it's something simple around the house, like, oh, you know what, who set the table for me? That's so sweet that you did that. Thank you. Or he took out the trash. That was normally my job. Thanks. That's really nice. And even just those things can make you feel a little more confident and better about yourself, which then translates into the bedroom later. Non verbally is another way to enhance your communication. So when you were first together, probably you maybe touched each other more. You were flirting more like, oh, you know, kind of, you know, maybe touch their cheek or brush their hair back from their face or even groped their butt a little bit. There's always things that you can do to just playfully non verbally touch each other.
[00:03:52] And it's. And it's just kind of nice to. Don't forget to do that. Give them a little hug when you're walking by, they're doing the dishes or you know, pat them on the butt when, when they're walking past you. And that's fine. It's. It's good to be flirty. It's good to remember those kinds of things because again, touch. Humans really value touch a lot. So it's another thing that will again help you later on get that sex life. Jogging. So the third thing is trying new things when you are first, there's a lot of dopamine surging. There's a lot of hormones rushing through because of the novelty of the situation. It's a new person, you're doing new things together. Everything is a first. And when you've been together a long time, there's not really as much of that novelty. So some of that passion may decrease. Now, hopefully it's not completely worn away, but if it does, you can get it back. It's okay. When you've been together a long time, there's a lot more companionate love, more of that commitment and deep intimacy. And so the passion may not be as high as it once was, but there's still something deeper there. But you can get that sense of newness back, that novelty, and that's doing new things together. So you can even start simple. You could have a new perfume that you wear, a new cologne, or you could wear something new that you've never worn. You could do a new activity together. So if you've never been go karting or something, go go karting. Or you could travel to a new place together. Even things like in the bedroom, you can have sex in a different location. There's all kinds of locations in the world. Go, go play with those locations.
[00:05:24] You can also even new positions, sexual positions. There's all kinds of ones to try. You may or may not enjoy them, but you can have a good laugh with each other if you have some entertaining mishaps. And you can also try even things up to role playing, sexual role playing. And again for this, just use your imaginations. Nobody says you have to have a comic con ready costume for these kinds of things. Just come as you are and play imagine together. So really there's so many new things you can do together. From simple to complicated to extremely. You wonder, is anyone else doing this? Oh, well, if you both like it and it doesn't hurt anybody, you're both cool with it, go for it. So I hope that those three tips are helpful to you and that you'll go home and implement them with your partner. Once Again, this is Dr. Laura Prescott, Associate professor for the Chicago School of Los Angeles Clinical Society Department.
[00:06:17] Thank you for watching and listening to let's Talk About Sex. I'll see you next time.
